Something has to give, so with a firm hand I took Her Next Door out to look at a couple of local care homes for respite care (we are entitled to six weeks a year.) We went unannounced and chose a couple located within 15 to 20 minutes drive from us.
I'm forcing myself to like them, there is essentially nothing at all wrong with them. They were both in beautiful settings, the dignity of the residents preserved and the buildings themselves well cared for and maintained. We found both the proprietors were genuine and the ambiance of the homes relaxed and caring. By Her Next Door's high standards she was pleased with the quality, (she is comparing them to others she looked at once in a different area for someone else.)
The trouble is, no matter how pleasant they are they can't ever be home from home and the guilt feelings rise up like bile in your mouth. Her Next Door said a little sheepishly in the car on the way home; "I think I can cope, there's no need for Gran to go." I am being strong for Her Next Door as she really, really needs a break. It will not be good for anybody, Gran most of all, if Her Next Door becomes ill through sleep deprivation and sheer physical exhaustion.
Benefits for Gran include a proper bath, pedicure and hair styling - as well as her own room. It will only be for a week at a time and she can have visitors at anytime. Does it sound like I am trying to convince myself. I am. It's hard.
6 comments:
This is tough, but the more rested your mother is, the longer she will be able to care for your Gran in the long run.
How does Gran regard her six weeks' entitlement? Would she dread going,or would she enjoy a change of scene and the chance to give her daughter a break?
Could you engineer an invitation for your Mum to visit someone for a few days, or go away with her, so that she could get a double benefit out of a short break? If she stayed at home, she might just feel guilty the whole time.
If you use a home once, are you then committed to the same home in the future? Could you suggest to Gran that she is 'sampling' some holiday homes?
Thanks for your comments, they are so helpful…
Gran has been quite upbeat about going in for a short stay, and we may not take advantage of the full six weeks - unsure at the moment. Yes, agree and I think Mum would go away perhaps on the second stay for Gran, but for the first she wants to remain here and visit Gran occasionally – just to check all is OK. A compromise but hopefully this will put her mind at rest and she can be more relaxed about it all then. No we aren't committed to the same home, but as long as Gran is pretty happy with the first choice we will probably stick with it. Gran's eyesight is so poor she gets unsettled sometimes and to keep changing we think will just add to this anxiety.
I think you're trying to convince everyone, when there's no need of convincing.
How did Gran's stay work out? Well, I hope.
Sorry to come so late to this. I hope it worked out and you all the rest you so deserved.
Hi Mr Bear... she went in on Monday... not sure she is loving it sadly but yes Chris we'll all take advantage of the break whilst we have it.
I am at present in a similar position with my 84 yr old Mum - I need a break after coping for just over 2 yrs now with us just having spent 7 nights apart in that 2 years, plus just recently I've had to cope with Mum having a chest infection closely followed by a urine infection which has been very stressful for all concerned.Respite care is the answer and fingers crossed we too will experience a week off "duty" at the end of October, if all goes well we're hoping to take another week off "duty" in February when hopefully hubby & I will actually take a mini-break ourselves.
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