Family

This week's prompt over at Sticky Fingers is Family... too opportune to miss this one.

For a few years now a good part of our clan has undergone an annual sojourn over to beautiful Whitesands (a few miles down the road for us). We rent a cottage for a week, with no neighbours and views of the sea; it's a two minute walk to one of the most stunning beaches you'll ever come across.

This holiday is one of the highlights of our year - not for the picturesque scenery and time off work but for the feeling of belonging to a group of like minded people who love, laugh, argue, forgive, share and would do anything for you if you needed them.  This year Gran is missing but not forgotten, and here is her legacy...

Motley Crew

Continuity - in one day.

This morning I went to church and passed the newly dedicated seat to Gran and Grandad that Her Next Door had organised.  

Sweethearts together again...

You've seen lots of pictures of Gran, but here is Grandad in his younger days looking very smart in his Scout uniform. And next to him my daughter G10 wearing her Guide outfit ready to take part in a concert and play her violin this afternoon.  She's following in Grandad's footsteps and made us all here, and those looking down on her, very proud.    

My lovely Grandad as a King's Scout circa 1930 and G10 today.

Mrs Edith Barnett 1910 - 2011

A celebration of Gran's life - she can be so very proud of her own little dash.

The Dash Poem by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.


Gran, always the life and soul.

He noted that first came the date of her birth

And spoke of the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time

That she spent alive on earth

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,

The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love

And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

© 1996 Linda Ellis  http://www.lindaellis.net/

Here's to you Gran, I shall wear the rainbow.   
Anyone whose life you touched will always love and remember you. x

Care Homes

Her Next Door was in tears last night... Gran's catheter has been playing up and it's been quite distressing trying to sort it out.  We have now decided to leave it out for a while - but this means we have to get Gran on the commode more often - ourselves.  This is hard physical work which is often done by Her Next Door, and is made even more difficult at four in the morning.  Of course life becomes a series of mountains to climb when you are tired and exhausted.

Something has to give, so with a firm hand I took Her Next Door out to look at a couple of local care homes for respite care (we are entitled to six weeks a year.)  We went unannounced and chose a couple located within 15 to 20 minutes drive from us.

I'm forcing myself to like them, there is essentially nothing at all wrong with them.  They were both in beautiful settings, the dignity of the residents preserved and the buildings themselves well cared for and maintained.  We found both the proprietors were genuine and the ambiance of the homes relaxed and caring.   By Her Next Door's high standards she was pleased with the quality, (she is comparing them to others she looked at once in a different area for someone else.) 

The trouble is, no matter how pleasant they are they can't ever be home from home and the guilt feelings rise up like bile in your mouth.  Her Next Door said a little sheepishly in the car on the way home; "I think I can cope, there's no need for Gran to go."  I am being strong for Her Next Door as she really, really needs a break.  It will not be good for anybody, Gran most of all, if Her Next Door becomes ill through sleep deprivation and sheer physical exhaustion.

Benefits for Gran include a proper bath, pedicure and hair styling - as well as her own room.  It will only be for a week at a time and she can have visitors at anytime.  Does it sound like I am trying to convince myself.  I am.  It's hard. 

Grandparents

The topic this week at Sticky Fingers is grandparents.

We are overrun with grandparents in our multi-generational household.  Her and Him Next Door are grandparents to G9 (Her Next Door likes to be called Grumpy by her grandchildren, I really can't comment further on this) and Gran is my grandmother.

They bring a third dimension to family life which enriches it greatly and in their own way they spread fairy dust to make every day that extra bit special. 

Perfect love sometimes does not come till the first grandchild. - Welsh Proverb

My Weekend - Gran's 101st

Over at Sticky Fingers this week's gallery prompt is My Weekend.  Well how fortuitous.  It's been one huge weekend here.  I have to admit that this year's party for Gran was left pretty unplanned, it was never going to be as big as her 100th but Her Next Door also felt too much pre-organisation might bring bad luck. After Gran's hospital stay we've literally taken one day at a time.

My Gran's 101st birthday celebrations lasted all day Saturday and for most of the day Sunday, with people drifting in and out the whole two days - it grew organically.  Her actual birthday was Friday but it has become a bit of a family tradition to try to get together on or around her birthday, with visits from family members continuing throughout June and July.  (Unfortunately there are only so many people we can put up in one go.  Last year for her 100th we booked all the B&Bs within a 10 mile radius). 

It was drizzling all day Saturday for the 'main' event, but that didn't stop us (or her) sitting outside al fresco.  It was very special. 

A few of the friends and family visiting to wish Gran a happy 101st birthday.

Due to Gran's recent health issues she is now sporting a catheter.  To be able to wear a skirt on her special day, Her Next Door ordered some 'naughy tights' with extra holes in stragitic places.  Her Next Door has never had so many emails from 'friends' wanting to get to know her better and Gran is quite thrilled about her new sexy tights.

Gran and one of her sons-in-law sharing a joke, in the drizzle.

I'd just like to thank everyone who came for the whole stint or dropped in for an hour or two.  It was a weekend to remember.  It was a weekend Gran will talk about for weeks to come.  We made some wonderful memories.  We're all very lucky to have her still.

Playing catch up

Have you missed me?  "No" I hear you cry.  Well tough.  I'm back.

Our Gran

I've been away on our extended family holiday to Whitesands (which is all of 20 miles or so away).  This was quite a feat this year though as Gran needed to bring all her equipment; including oxygen bottles, special mattress, portable adjustable tables, commode - the list goes on.  Anyway a very special shout out must go to Country Cars who provided the disabled transport and a driver.  They charged us the princely sum of £8.50, both ways.  Simply amazing (and there we'd been trying to get Gran's bus pass organised to get the fare half price, thinking it would be more like £85.50).   Also worth an honourable mention are the carers Western Welsh Community Care, who pulled out all the stops and juggled their staff so that we could still have the three visits a day whilst Gran was on holiday.

We all took it in turns to help look after Gran through the week, ably assisted by a To Do list I'd put together, (ding, just polishing the old halo).  For this I'd come under some flack from my brother (little Hitler might have been mentioned - hmm, me!)  When his turn came round though he bumbled and fumbled.  Had he actually read the To Do list?  Had he heck.  Gran felt sorry for him and in tones that seemed to indicate that it was all my fault she said, "Poor M, he really doesn't know what to do.  Nobody's told him."  My flabber was gasted.  "He berlurdy well does know," I said, waving the list about in the air.  But still she felt the (48 year old) boy was very hard done by.  How do the male species get away with it?

I returned home with a razor sore throat, which then developed into a near death experience (OK perhaps it was just a cold).

In the midst of all this I have been trying to revise for my Welsh exam, but the only successful thing I've managed to do so far is confuse myself further - it that's at all possible.

I'm also back on my running plan... second week in.  This has been partly prompted by a throw away, although rather to the point remark, "You're getting fat!"  Oh out of the mouths of babes.  I must admit I've got to do something, I'm looking more like Mr Blobby every day. 

Pembrokeshire Coastline - I did do some walking to burn those calories too.

Mother Love

This week's topic from Sticky Fingers is Mother Love.  Through the beaming smiles the picture below says it all, taken at my Gran's 100th birthday party; she is flanked by her three loving daughters.

Here is a poem that was read to Gran by her daughters, grandchildren and great grandchildren as part of her birthday celebrations.

Sadness

The rudder of our little ship is not so well.

Edith, Mum, Gran, Great Gran - 100 years young.

We all love you, get better soon - please.  xxx

UPDATE 15/03/11
Whilst I was at fy nosbarth Cymraeg my Mum and Dad went hospital visiting. Gran had not been so bright when I saw her in the afternoon but when I got home after my class I received this pleasant surprise...

Her Next Door reported that Gran was much better this evening than she has been since being in hospital. No more oxygen mask (still just little pipes of oxygen in to her nose) and she even had her wagging finger out, telling Her Next Door to buy her some nighties but not from M&S, Peacocks would do! She has also requested a full biscuit tin (of course she never snacks on these ;) ), some Eau de Cologne so that she can smell lovely and a hair comb (she's trying to impress the young male physio I think).
 
Simply amazing.

Letter from The Queen (& Ian Duncan Smith AND The First Minister of Wales AND The Secretary of State for Wales).

Well it’s the morning of my Gran’s 100th. It’s the culmination of a lot of very, very hard work, mainly for Her Next Door. The ‘event’ starts today with Gran’s actual birthday and some people arriving to help us celebrate with an evening meal at Something’s Cooking (thank you Tony), the big party on Saturday through to the final people leaving Tuesday.

Unless you have ever organised a large ‘do’ it’s difficult to understand the amount of hard work that has to go in to it. So much to think about; invitations, organising who stays where (thank you to our neighbours who have been fantastic), talking to the B&Bs for those we just can’t accommodate, organising transport to and from the B&Bs, the venue, music, balloons, food, the cake (thank you Tracey), drinks, contingency plans if it rains, organising the letter from the queen, publicity.

The list is endless. Her Next Door has not been sleeping very well either as she keeps waking up with jobs to do churning round in her head.

We were going to just have an ‘open’ weekend all weekend, but in the end we managed to organise the Visitors Centre just across the way (only a few steps really) for the Saturday evening. Gran knows and likes it there. It has a disabled loo too, which at 100 is important! I personally was quite keen to do this for three primary reasons:-

1) firstly and most importantly in my eyes it gives Her Next Door a few hours off, once she is there she can relax and let others pour drinks and sort out the food. She too can really enjoy the actual party.
2) if it does rain we have one large room where we can all gather and mingle.
3) it gives a focus to the celebrations; everyone getting ready, changed, expectant for the main event.

Initially Gran herself was not so keen on a large get together. She finds it difficult to hear what you are saying to her when in a large crowd, with lots of others talking in the background. But recently she has said that she is really looking forward to it now. There are some people coming that she has not seen in an awfully long time and very, very nearly all of her family will be there. Sixty two in total.  There is one very dear man who won’t be able to come, but I am sure Granddad is looking down on us. We miss him, Gran most of all.

Today and Saturday though will be two extra special days, remembered and treasured by us all.

Gran's rebelling...

Him and Her Next Door have gone away for a few days leaving us to Granny sit.

This is fine except Gran is going through a rebellious stage... "I am not getting dressed today, I feel dizzy when I try to..." glaring at me as if daring me to argue.  "I've put on my summer dressing gown for the daytime.  I'm quite decent."

Hmmm, one of Her Next Door 'rules' is that Gran should get dressed daily - except for her bath day, she is allowed a day off then. 

"And another thing, I don't want a new dress for my party." 

Blimey, let it all out Gran.

Is there a book on how to handle teenagers centenarians?

Hopefully Her Next Door will remain blissfully unaware of this outburst.  Nobody reads this do they?

Carers

It struck me recently how old age strikes with some stealth, it creeps up on you almost unnoticed.  We're all living longer and therefore having to cope with aging and all it brings in a way never encountered before.  If not for ourselves then for others who are close to us.

My Gran, who is very alert and has all her cognitive skills, yesterday had an accident she couldn’t avoid and was utterly heartbroken. How cruel ageing can be. The only real joy she gets from life (apart from her family) is from listening to her books and doing quiz shows on television as her sight too has let her down. She never moans though and is usually surprising cheerful.

My Mother-in-law is with us for a week and she too is struggling a little, mainly with arthritis which her weight aggravates and the two combined are now really affecting her mobility. She fails to remember things sometimes too.

Both Grannies would choose to remain totally independent - but for various reasons really can't. Mother-in-law lives on her own still but is helped enormously by her only daughter who shops, cleans and drops in daily for much needed human contact and Gran obviously lives with us cared for mainly by Her Next Door - but neither helper gets much direct help from the Government - financially or practically. This caring group is ignored yet it will become a bigger problem in years to come as each generation seems to live that little bit longer.

All this free caring is saving the tax payer a lot of money. Is it fair that people in their late sixties and early seventies who should now be free of mortgage, children, paid employment etc are finding they have other responsibilities? Please don't misunderstand, all mentioned here do this willingly and with much care and love - they wouldn't have it any other way. But should this silent army be doing it alone and without any support?

Grans in trouble again...

(WARNING: probably best not to read whilst eating!!)

Apparently her raised loo seat doesn't fit properly. It gets a lot of use. Her Next Door has been religiously cleaning Gran's bathroom and carefully fitting the toilet seat back on each time - now to be told that this is not worth doing as "it's always loose" has upset Her Next Door somewhat. She feels her efforts have been in vein and that Gran needed only to tell her.

The cesspit also got blocked (again) and poor Gran was accused of flushing too much toilet roll down her toilet. Blaming Gran was due to the fact that between both Him Next Door and J who tend to rectify the cesspit blockages and Her Next Door and me who organise the shopping lists the rest of us are known to be pretty green with our cleaning\washing products and also very careful about what goes down the toilets in the first place. As we haven't had any guests since before Christmas and couldn't blame them, Gran became the natural scapegoat.

This is an urgent matter as I'm sure you can imagine, to help put it in perspective Gran uses her toilet around 80 times a day.

After a few attempts by Him Next Door and J to try and clear the back flow it was decided we needed more rods as they appeared to be a few feet short. This is not by any means the first time we've had a problem, so I am still somewhat at a loss after being here over two years why Him Next Door or J did not think of purchasing enough in the first place, i.e. to be prepared before the next emergency arose! Obviously they never joined the Scout movement.

J and I rushed off to the shops. Not what I had been planning for Saturday morning.

Armed with more rod length the men tried again but after a few more goes decided that the pipe must have collapsed, they said it felt like they were hitting a brick wall. Out came the pick axe and spade, they dug in the place where roughly they deemed the problem to be and had between them decided to break the offending pipe to find the problem.

Her Next Door and I did not think this was one of their best ideas and voted with the telephone. We phoned someone - anyone who would come out on a Saturday afternoon and requested they visit with cameras and jets to diagnose and clear the problem.

With £120.00 ringing in all our ears Him Next Door and J pushed a little harder on the rods and POP, all was well. They believe because they've never had enough length of rods until now this problem had been building up - so to speak.

Him Next Door duly filled in the hole that they had dug to reach the pipe. I came along and saw he'd missed a bit and topped it up with the remaining soil left piled around it. Much neater, lovely and level. I was told in no uncertain terms that the hole was by design, ready to plant a shrub! Doh. I'm also in the dog house - with Gran, again.

My Gran and the Great Tight Battle

Firstly, let me say that my Gran is truly wonderful. She is 99 and has all her marbles, she remembers everything without a problem; phone numbers, addresses, everyone's date of birth - Alzheimer's hasn't darkened her door.

God love her.

She most definitely has a mind of her own.

Her body though can sometimes let her down.

Easily getting out of breath she is now finding it very hard work getting dressed, and would like a day off now and again (don't we all). Her Next Door (my Mum) thinks that this could be the slow road to ruin (at 99!)...

The women in this household have just succeeded in persuading Gran to wear trousers instead of skirts and underskirts making this daily task a little easier, and she admits she should have done it years ago. But will she give up tights? Emphatically not. She is refusing to discuss it anymore. She tells us she has to use up all the tights she has in the drawer before she considers it (and she has hundreds); she simply is not going to waste them.

I find tights a devil of a job at my age, at 99 I'll be lucky to know which end is up - so my hat goes off to her.

That's the spirit Gran, stand your ground. Why not - I think you've earned it. But somehow I doubt you'll get tights from Her Next Door this Christmas!